Well now…


When I really don’t know what to say and need a moment to process my thoughts I tend to say ‘well now’.

Mental Health is one of those things people don’t know how to talk about. Especially men.

Men are taught to hide their feelings. To be strong. Not to show weakness. And never ever cry.

This leads to suffering in silence. Because men cannot show weakness.

Or can they?

I recently attended ‘Barbershop Talk’ at West Charlotte High School. It was hosted by Derrick ‘Fly Ty’ Jacobs and was organized by Novant Health and The National African American Male Wellness Walk Initiative.

Medical professionals were set up giving information about physical health.

‘Know your Numbers’! Blood pressure, weight, blood sugar etc. are often overlooked by men. Ignorance is bliss. ‘Not knowing there’s a problem means there isn’t a problem’ is a dangerous mindset.

Mental Health professionals made up the panel. They addressed many issues.

Mental and physical health. Sex and relationships. Nothing was off limits.

Mental wellness looks different in everyone. Some push through and pray through it.

Some need more. And it’s ok. God put professionals on earth. He gave them the knowledge to help.

So many suffer in silence. But that thought process needs to be changed.

Check your thoughts. What causes you to lash out when the women in your lives express concern? How do you get over that fear of not being 100 percent well?

Communication and transparency is key. Define your intimacy and create your love language. You have to teach someone HOW to love you.

And this is where the ladies in the audience came in. We were split up into groups and participated in workshops.

I know this sounds outdated and may get some flack from The Women’s Liberation movement, but ladies, we have to take care of our men!!!

How do we get them to communicate? Adapt healthy eating habits? Have a healthy disagreement?

Men have a built in defense mechanism. If you come at him yelling he’s going to come back even louder.

Learn to change how you approach him.

First identify any red flags. You know your man. You know when something is off.

Second, you have to choose when to approach him about it. One woman said she chooses early morning over coffee to talk to her husband. Another chooses the car ride to school to talk to her teenage son. (Yes we need to apply this to all men in our lives. Fathers, husbands, sons or friends)

Third is how we approach them. We learned to try the method of 5 positives and 1 negative.

Lay the problem on the table. Drive home the positives. And explain how the negative impacts those positives.

We create the rules in our relationship.

Have a dialogue not a monologue.

Queens, take care of your Kings!